The March of the Self Improver
by Forrest Stone

I am going to join the movement
For relentless self-improvement
or I'll perish in the effort I incur

If I have to self-imperil
Well, I'm absolutely feral
in my struggle to be healthy and secure

So I'll jog alongside traffic
And I'll read each info-graphic
on the packaging of everything I buy

Though the print is so compressive
That I go manic-depressive
but at least it is in print so it can't lie

I will read each book with Oprah
Wally Lamb and Deepak Chopra
in my quest to best my tendency to laze

I'll get thin, smart, rich, and happy
But I'd better make it snappy --
my subscription lapses in a couple days!